Can You Be Yourself…

….and EMBRACE it?

Your smallest insecurities and self-doubt can surface when you’re in the social spotlight, especially when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. Some people even allow their insecurities to develop into an intense anxiety, which prevents them from approaching new people- this is called “approach anxiety.” People with approach anxiety often feel like they’re being scrutinized by others- they are paranoid about their ‘flaws’ and feel very uncomfortable in their skin. I see this mostly with guys who hesitate to approach a woman they’ve been eyeing up all night; when they finally approach they mumble their words, or stutter or just appear so stressed that the woman becomes uncomfortable.

Listen- you have to become comfortable with who you are- embrace it. You may not look like Brad Pitt, but that may be an unfair comparison, right? You are going to be your worst critic every time, you are going to be the hardest on yourself- most of the time your insecurities are fabricated or extremely magnified. A genuine man, comfortable in his own skin exudes confidence, no matter what he looks like. And if you’ve been reading any of my blogs you know that Confidence is everything- no matter what you look like.

I have a good friend who is shorter, balding, and a little on the chubby side. Lemme tell you- he gets a lot of women “way out of his league”. How does he do this? Everyone asks that same question. Lemme tell you more about him. All his friends, most of whom are actually good looking guys, follow him out on weekend nights to meet women. Sound unfair? You’re wrong. This guy has a lot of Confidence in himself; he exudes so much confidence you just know when he walks in the room. The women Love his confidence. He doesn’t care that he doesn’t have abs, or a sculpted body- you would think he never knew at all about his physique. He’s a great conversationalist and can approach anyone, and make them laugh, or engage them in an interesting story- this is what does it. He’s not only comfortable with himself, he’s completely embraced it. I’ve seen him get ‘rejected’- no big deal…a smile and he moves on. He’s no Brad Pitt, but he’s confident and so charming. He knows women consider looks, but it’s only one part of the equation. He knows there are women out there who either prefer his body type, or just don’t care. More importantly he’s happy with who he is and understands finding the woman perfect for him is just a process- a series of encounters and conversations with new people every day.

So, here are your two options. Examine yourself and identify those things about yourself that you’d like to improve or change altogether; these things can be your physical appearance, your mindset, or your communication skills. Then put an action plan to improve yourself. Making improvements helps to build Confidence and this is what you need to become comfortable in your own skin. Keep in mind there are some things about you that cannot be changed- but what do you offer that can be highlighted? Your other option is to be like my friend, and love who you are- embrace it, don’t hide or disguise anything. You want to be 100% authentically you! When you are- the confidence will show, and you will attract the kind of people you wanna meet.

Don’t attempt to be someone you’re not- if you can’t be yourself, who can you be? I’ve seen men and women lie about their age, income, body type and personal history on the online dating sites. It’s not a well thought out strategy. Ultimately when you do land a date, you will have a lot of explaining to do and you’ll be exposed as a fraud- this won’t do anything to help that confidence you’re looking for either.

Learn to be yourself. Work on the things you can improve, and accept the rest as being a part of You. If you need help with your communication and behavioral skills, that’s what I’m here for. There is someone out there who WILL accept you for you- but you’ll never know if you hide who you are, or don’t embrace it.