I can remember a time when cell phones couldn’t text, didn’t have “apps”, and weren’t attached to people wherever they went. Going out to Old City meant you would have to communicate with someone by engaging them in conversation- it was all about the approach then. Everyone was out to have fun with the friends they were with, and they were looking to connect with new people, to make new friends through personal interaction. If I met someone that night, we exchanged phone numbers, and maybe email (maybe). I can remember the excitement of checking my voicemail when I returned home, or checking my email the next day to see if my correspondence was answered.
Look around the room when you’re out on the town next time- how many people have their heads down, eyes glued on the CrackBerry, texting or emailing other people who aren’t even in the room? Can you believe this- they’re surrounded by complete strangers, and they’re choosing to talk to people somewhere far away?! Ridiculous. How are people going to connect if they arrive with their smart phone in their hands? People today are letting technology kill intimacy, romance, and the art of conversation.
Imagine all the opportunities you miss to meet new people because your head is down, pecking away at your keys, texting. When I’m in line at my local cafe, half the people there have their eyes glued to their iPhone, or BlackBerry. None of these people were wearing a wedding ring either- all of them were single. And the opportunities to chat with a stranger, the chances to interact with someone new, to have interesting conversations, is lost. Open your eyes- look around- go introduce yourself. Turn off your phone, or at least put it on ’silent’ mode. No email, text, or IM is that important that you cannot wait for a few minutes. How can you interpret the posture of the single woman in front of you if you’re not looking her way? Women- how can you notice which men are looking your way if you’re constantly checking your email? How can eye contact be made between people in the same room, or sharing the same sidewalk, or in the same checkout line, if your attention is on your phone.
Women- this is especially important for you. People are waiting to connect, people are just dying to meet new people- are you available? I have no qualms about approaching an attractive woman who is glued to her phone, but I can see how most men would interpret her behavior as “closed for business”. All men have their eyes on you, and they look at you several times an hour (about 20 times) if they’re attracted to you. They are waiting for you to make eye contact with them, and smile; they want to see a change in your posture that tells them “approach me”.
You’ll never know how many opportunities you’ve missed already- they’re gone forever.
What’s worse is what I see happening on dates. Men & Women are guilty of bringing their cell phones with them to dinner! Just last week at Radicchio’s, there was a couple next to me- each of them had a home for their phone- somewhere between the olive oil and their wine glass. Unbelievable. Pay attention to who is in front of you- show them your world- open up, and connect! Show your interest by listening, making eye contact, leaning slightly forward so it seems like you’re hanging on every word that leaves their mouth- make them feel like they are the only person on Earth.
I don’t care if you’re food shopping, in line for coffee, picking up your dry cleaning, walking the beach, or whatever- put away the phone- look around- be observant- go meet someone!
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his dating coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Mind Tricks
I remember going to surf one day years ago- the surf was very big and few surfers even thought of paddling out; of those few even made it out. I did make it out, and sat on my board intimidated by the size of the surf- but I pushed myself to takeoff on a very big wave. I gave it my all, paddled as hard as I could, and dropped into a 10ft wave which barreled over my head. The feeling was exhilarating! I felt high as a kite all day- like I was a god! I suddenly had enormous amounts of confidence which lasted all week. In fact that day when I made it back to my office, I didn’t even hesitate to call two very important prospects which I had been putting off for a while. I landed a meeting with both of them within an hour!
It’s amazing how your mind plays a role in how you approach unrelated activities throughout the day. Surfing has absolutely nothing to do with Wall Street- but my bravery and success in the ocean provided me with the confidence to make two important prospecting calls later that day. The positive mental attitude was virul, and made my entire work week productive and painless. I somehow exuded a natural confidence that people could see in person, and hear over the phone. I felt like nothing could ruin my week, even if I was rejected by some prospective clients I still had the enthusiasm and confidence to push forward. Yet again, surfing has nothing to do with my business- so how did I let this happen?
Here’s the point- don’t let any BAD experiences during your day ruin any future opportunities, related or not. Having the right positive mindset is necessary to be successful in life. Suppose I had a near drowning experience earlier that day- would I have even made those two important prospect calls? Why would I permit my surfing performance to affect my business? Not only is a positive mindset necessary before you approach an activity, it’s necessary you maintain a positive mental attitude even if you fail, or get rejected. Furthermore, people can absolutely sense your state of mind- your posture, mannerisms, tone of voice, and facial expressions tell a story about your inner harmony, or turmoil. If you expect failure, you will certainly get it.
Ok, so here’s a story relevant to dating specifically. I was in line at a local Cafe and noticed an attractive woman in front of me, however I could tell she was having a bad day: her head was down, eyes down, and she was frowning a lot. Instead of avoiding her, which is what most people would do, I decided to approach her. I saw she was also struggling with the short menu, so with a smile I said: “everything here is great, but if you want something really different, try the “shakshuka”, you’ll love it.” She turned around, smiled, and then asked for more help- but her whole attitude seemed to change. I was offering genuine help as a friendly stranger, and she responded positively. I steered her towards a good recommendation, and we continued our conversation on one of the couches. Generally, others would avoid people who display negativity, or show they’re “closed”- but this proves my point- she was obviously carrying some emotional baggage from earlier in the day with her. Her “closed” signals were rather strong, but they were unintentional. Turns out she was single, even though I’m not- a great opportunity for someone else. How many of you carry this emotional negativity with you throughout the day? Imagine how it might affect other opportunities you’re not even aware of yet!
So don’t let any bad experiences carry over into the rest of your day especially if they have nothing to do with each other. Each experience throughout your day is most likely completely unrelated- so don’t allow your state of mind to create a bridge which could hurt your performance. I suppose there is a chain of causation in life, but don’t fabricate links where there shouldn’t be. Attitude is everything- be positive- people will gravitate to positive energy when they sense it.
It’s amazing how your mind plays a role in how you approach unrelated activities throughout the day. Surfing has absolutely nothing to do with Wall Street- but my bravery and success in the ocean provided me with the confidence to make two important prospecting calls later that day. The positive mental attitude was virul, and made my entire work week productive and painless. I somehow exuded a natural confidence that people could see in person, and hear over the phone. I felt like nothing could ruin my week, even if I was rejected by some prospective clients I still had the enthusiasm and confidence to push forward. Yet again, surfing has nothing to do with my business- so how did I let this happen?
Here’s the point- don’t let any BAD experiences during your day ruin any future opportunities, related or not. Having the right positive mindset is necessary to be successful in life. Suppose I had a near drowning experience earlier that day- would I have even made those two important prospect calls? Why would I permit my surfing performance to affect my business? Not only is a positive mindset necessary before you approach an activity, it’s necessary you maintain a positive mental attitude even if you fail, or get rejected. Furthermore, people can absolutely sense your state of mind- your posture, mannerisms, tone of voice, and facial expressions tell a story about your inner harmony, or turmoil. If you expect failure, you will certainly get it.
Ok, so here’s a story relevant to dating specifically. I was in line at a local Cafe and noticed an attractive woman in front of me, however I could tell she was having a bad day: her head was down, eyes down, and she was frowning a lot. Instead of avoiding her, which is what most people would do, I decided to approach her. I saw she was also struggling with the short menu, so with a smile I said: “everything here is great, but if you want something really different, try the “shakshuka”, you’ll love it.” She turned around, smiled, and then asked for more help- but her whole attitude seemed to change. I was offering genuine help as a friendly stranger, and she responded positively. I steered her towards a good recommendation, and we continued our conversation on one of the couches. Generally, others would avoid people who display negativity, or show they’re “closed”- but this proves my point- she was obviously carrying some emotional baggage from earlier in the day with her. Her “closed” signals were rather strong, but they were unintentional. Turns out she was single, even though I’m not- a great opportunity for someone else. How many of you carry this emotional negativity with you throughout the day? Imagine how it might affect other opportunities you’re not even aware of yet!
So don’t let any bad experiences carry over into the rest of your day especially if they have nothing to do with each other. Each experience throughout your day is most likely completely unrelated- so don’t allow your state of mind to create a bridge which could hurt your performance. I suppose there is a chain of causation in life, but don’t fabricate links where there shouldn’t be. Attitude is everything- be positive- people will gravitate to positive energy when they sense it.
Friday, January 15, 2010
What Women Want…
The title seems a bit daring, but I’m a man and grew up with a twin sister, and I’m a great dating coach, so I don’t think I have to put forth any more credentials than that. I’m going to make this post very blunt- I’m not one to beat around the bush.
Women want hunters, not gatherers. Women want men who still exhibit that primal instinct to go get what they want, not beg or ask for it. Hunters show assertiveness, and little fear. Real men don’t fall victim to their own circumstances, or wait for great things to happen- they make it happen, no matter what they do, or where they go.
Women want to see a lot of confidence in a man. Women want to see a man who can walk into a room, and take control; a man who ‘naturally exudes confidence’. A Man is very sure of himself and his direction; he knows who he is and what he wants, he’s also comfortable with making improvements and confronting his problems. Confidence is a natural thing- it cannot be rehearsed and women can sense an insecure, unconfident man immediately. Walk the walk- talk is cheap.
Women want genuineness, not ’swagger’ which is almost always fake. A man, who is secure in himself and comfortable in his own skin, naturally exudes confidence that’s impossible to forge. Many men still don’t know ‘who’ they are yet, and that’s fine- it’s a process. But a guy who has to drive the BMW, or talk about his career, or talk like a rap star or someone else who he’s not, is a fraud. You may be able to afford all the finer things in life, but genuineness cannot be bought. So, if you still go out pretending to be someone you’re not, every woman will be able tell you’re a fraud. Remember- you attract who you are: if you’re insecure, you’ll attract an insecure woman. If you truly want to Connect, you have to know who you are first. Finding yourself is imperative- I’ve helped many men with this issue.
Women want a sexual connection, not another ‘friend’. Being a nice guy goes very far, but women who seek a meaningful relationship seek that hunter with a sexual appetite. Women want to feel attractive, and like to be pursued. It’s a turn off for women if the man has no sexual aura, or is afraid to show attraction though physical contact. Making contact with the woman’s hand on a date is a must- a sexual and physical attraction is part of any relationship. Don’t be afraid to make physical contact on a date, just be sensitive to her comfort levels. A man who is afraid to make physical contact out of ‘respect’ for the woman is really just afraid- he must overcome this if he wants sex appeal.
There is a very modern problem today that really didn’t exist 15-20 years ago. Women today are very career driven and successful, and as a result they have acquired some very masculine qualities: they have become very dominant, very confident, and very assertive. All these qualities are perfect for the professional world, which is why they’re successful. I personally prefer a woman who is in control of her own destiny, however many guys out there are very unprepared. It still doesn’t change the game- women still want a real Man. The modern problem is that more men are becoming feminine, while more women are becoming hunters. I have successfully coached many guys to become the ‘man’ they need to be by drawing out those masculine traits, and highlighting them.
A real man is genuine- period. He loves himself and it shows because he naturally exudes confidence. You can be a real man and still go to the art museum, I do- but it doesn’t mean you lose your hunter instinct.
If you’re interested in learning more, please contact me- I’ve successfully helped men & women looking to attract their ideal partners through my coaching programs.
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
Women want hunters, not gatherers. Women want men who still exhibit that primal instinct to go get what they want, not beg or ask for it. Hunters show assertiveness, and little fear. Real men don’t fall victim to their own circumstances, or wait for great things to happen- they make it happen, no matter what they do, or where they go.
Women want to see a lot of confidence in a man. Women want to see a man who can walk into a room, and take control; a man who ‘naturally exudes confidence’. A Man is very sure of himself and his direction; he knows who he is and what he wants, he’s also comfortable with making improvements and confronting his problems. Confidence is a natural thing- it cannot be rehearsed and women can sense an insecure, unconfident man immediately. Walk the walk- talk is cheap.
Women want genuineness, not ’swagger’ which is almost always fake. A man, who is secure in himself and comfortable in his own skin, naturally exudes confidence that’s impossible to forge. Many men still don’t know ‘who’ they are yet, and that’s fine- it’s a process. But a guy who has to drive the BMW, or talk about his career, or talk like a rap star or someone else who he’s not, is a fraud. You may be able to afford all the finer things in life, but genuineness cannot be bought. So, if you still go out pretending to be someone you’re not, every woman will be able tell you’re a fraud. Remember- you attract who you are: if you’re insecure, you’ll attract an insecure woman. If you truly want to Connect, you have to know who you are first. Finding yourself is imperative- I’ve helped many men with this issue.
Women want a sexual connection, not another ‘friend’. Being a nice guy goes very far, but women who seek a meaningful relationship seek that hunter with a sexual appetite. Women want to feel attractive, and like to be pursued. It’s a turn off for women if the man has no sexual aura, or is afraid to show attraction though physical contact. Making contact with the woman’s hand on a date is a must- a sexual and physical attraction is part of any relationship. Don’t be afraid to make physical contact on a date, just be sensitive to her comfort levels. A man who is afraid to make physical contact out of ‘respect’ for the woman is really just afraid- he must overcome this if he wants sex appeal.
There is a very modern problem today that really didn’t exist 15-20 years ago. Women today are very career driven and successful, and as a result they have acquired some very masculine qualities: they have become very dominant, very confident, and very assertive. All these qualities are perfect for the professional world, which is why they’re successful. I personally prefer a woman who is in control of her own destiny, however many guys out there are very unprepared. It still doesn’t change the game- women still want a real Man. The modern problem is that more men are becoming feminine, while more women are becoming hunters. I have successfully coached many guys to become the ‘man’ they need to be by drawing out those masculine traits, and highlighting them.
A real man is genuine- period. He loves himself and it shows because he naturally exudes confidence. You can be a real man and still go to the art museum, I do- but it doesn’t mean you lose your hunter instinct.
If you’re interested in learning more, please contact me- I’ve successfully helped men & women looking to attract their ideal partners through my coaching programs.
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Your Natural Instincts
One of my passions is something called “freediving”: it’s breath-hold underwater diving. That’s right- I don’t use any scuba tanks, and just need one breath to dive deep into the ocean. I have completed dives nearly 100ft deep, and I’ve been able to hold my breath for just under 5 minutes (4:48 to be exact). Sound unnatural? You’re wrong- it’s actually natural for us to be in water. All humans were developed in utero, in a nutrient rich, mostly water based solution so we have a familiarity with water- a special bond. But each day that goes by, we distance ourselves from this instinct called the Mammalian Diving reflex. Again- this is instinct, even though you now may panic in water, once you were comfortable in water.
So- what’s my point? I’m telling you to get in touch with your natural instincts- many of which are distant echoes that need to be summoned. All children are naturally curious, perceptive, and have a strong desire to connect to others in conversation, and through physical contact. But as most children develop, their parents start to set boundaries, telling them “no” more and more frequently. “Don’t talk to strangers” or “Don’t bother those people,” or “Don’t speak unless spoken to”. Look at how the bad patterns have made many of us feel awkward when approaching a stranger, or even anxious when approaching the opposite sex.
It’s our upbringing, our parents, and our school system that has stifled our natural abilities to connect with other people, and to “color within the lines”, which also stunts our creative development.
Despite all the bad patterns, we can unlearn all the wrongs. Remember, you have instincts that have been stifled- you just have to get in touch with them. So, let’s get you to the point where conversation with strangers is easy, where connecting is natural again, and where physical contact as a form of communication is ok. Try the following exercises:
Have casual conversations with at least 7 strangers every day, 5 of which must be the opposite sex. Use the surroundings to give you ideas: no talking about the weather, their job or other boring overused questions.
When you find yourself in a good conversation, ask them an emotionally charged question- start with “How would you feel”, or “What are your feelings about”. You’ll be surprised by how willing people are to share their feelings.
When you’re on a first date, and you feel a mutual attraction- make some mild physical contact- start with their hands, see if they respond. Arms are next, and leg touching is a huge sign of attraction- be aware of their responses. Keeping yourself distant might make you good ‘friend’ material- but men & women seek sexual attraction.
It took me months to not panic in an open ocean environment, and dive by only taking one breath. I’m not asking you to try freediving, which does have natural roots. I’m asking you to find your natural communication abilities- this is much easier, right? Talk to everyone you can as often as you can- all your bad habits, and bad patterns can be broken in due time, it just takes practice. Ultimately, you’ll only make more friends and get rid of that “approach anxiety”!
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
So- what’s my point? I’m telling you to get in touch with your natural instincts- many of which are distant echoes that need to be summoned. All children are naturally curious, perceptive, and have a strong desire to connect to others in conversation, and through physical contact. But as most children develop, their parents start to set boundaries, telling them “no” more and more frequently. “Don’t talk to strangers” or “Don’t bother those people,” or “Don’t speak unless spoken to”. Look at how the bad patterns have made many of us feel awkward when approaching a stranger, or even anxious when approaching the opposite sex.
It’s our upbringing, our parents, and our school system that has stifled our natural abilities to connect with other people, and to “color within the lines”, which also stunts our creative development.
Despite all the bad patterns, we can unlearn all the wrongs. Remember, you have instincts that have been stifled- you just have to get in touch with them. So, let’s get you to the point where conversation with strangers is easy, where connecting is natural again, and where physical contact as a form of communication is ok. Try the following exercises:
Have casual conversations with at least 7 strangers every day, 5 of which must be the opposite sex. Use the surroundings to give you ideas: no talking about the weather, their job or other boring overused questions.
When you find yourself in a good conversation, ask them an emotionally charged question- start with “How would you feel”, or “What are your feelings about”. You’ll be surprised by how willing people are to share their feelings.
When you’re on a first date, and you feel a mutual attraction- make some mild physical contact- start with their hands, see if they respond. Arms are next, and leg touching is a huge sign of attraction- be aware of their responses. Keeping yourself distant might make you good ‘friend’ material- but men & women seek sexual attraction.
It took me months to not panic in an open ocean environment, and dive by only taking one breath. I’m not asking you to try freediving, which does have natural roots. I’m asking you to find your natural communication abilities- this is much easier, right? Talk to everyone you can as often as you can- all your bad habits, and bad patterns can be broken in due time, it just takes practice. Ultimately, you’ll only make more friends and get rid of that “approach anxiety”!
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Men, Listen Up…
Tell me why you thought you would be successful meeting women at the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit? Or in that yoga class? You have no business being there. Sure, a lot of women will be in attendance, but your presence there is contrived- you’re not fooling anyone. You have no interest in the matters at hand, so what are you going to talk about? How are you possibly going to engage, let alone connect, with anyone there? You’re a fraud, and it’s really really obvious. Nobody likes a poser.
Sorry, but Ihad to vent- this needed to be said. This is particularly a big problem men choose to create. Meeting people in public can be a beautiful thing, particularly if it’s random and not by design. However, purposely putting yourself in a foreign environment for the purpose of meeting women is time well wasted and horribly ineffective, not to mention embarrassing to watch- ever see “Jersey Shore”? The whole point of the dating process is to LEARN about the other person so both can determine if there’s a match. Crowbarring yourself into an environment where you’re not knowledgeable, and not comfortable, makes you an obvious fraud. Here are some thoughts to consider:
Put yourself in an environment where you’re comfortable, and knowledgeable- you’ll have plenty to talk about.
Being in a comfortable environment removes a lot of stress; it will only seem ‘natural’ for you to be there and your presence is genuine
Ultimately, if both parties are in a friendly environment which promotes communication and a learning experience- a connection is much more likely
Don’t crowbar yourself into an obvious awkward situation. Change the venue for the sake of promoting communication- you’ll look genuine and maintain integrity- she’ll also see there’s no ulterior motive and want to reveal her feelings and thoughts.
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
Sorry, but Ihad to vent- this needed to be said. This is particularly a big problem men choose to create. Meeting people in public can be a beautiful thing, particularly if it’s random and not by design. However, purposely putting yourself in a foreign environment for the purpose of meeting women is time well wasted and horribly ineffective, not to mention embarrassing to watch- ever see “Jersey Shore”? The whole point of the dating process is to LEARN about the other person so both can determine if there’s a match. Crowbarring yourself into an environment where you’re not knowledgeable, and not comfortable, makes you an obvious fraud. Here are some thoughts to consider:
Put yourself in an environment where you’re comfortable, and knowledgeable- you’ll have plenty to talk about.
Being in a comfortable environment removes a lot of stress; it will only seem ‘natural’ for you to be there and your presence is genuine
Ultimately, if both parties are in a friendly environment which promotes communication and a learning experience- a connection is much more likely
Don’t crowbar yourself into an obvious awkward situation. Change the venue for the sake of promoting communication- you’ll look genuine and maintain integrity- she’ll also see there’s no ulterior motive and want to reveal her feelings and thoughts.
Patrick Coleman, President and Head Dating Coach of www.PhillyDatingCoach.com is passionate about coaching singles looking to improve their communication and dating skills to find true love. Patrick may be reached at patrick@phillydatingcoach.com for any inquiries regarding his coaching programs in the Philadelphia and surrounding areas.
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